Death By Cinema – 4 – Blast-Off Girls

“If I must just choose the method of my demise, I choose…

Britt

Death By Cinema!” -Britt Rhuart

Day 4 – Blast-Off Girls

Okay, so after seeing Just For the Hell of It, I gotta admit, I’m a bit wary to watch another film by Herschell Gordon Lewis for the moment, especially on that is not a gore film. I know the gore films are usually amazing, but Just For the Hell of It… wow, that was not fun.

I do know this about Blast-Off Girls, though. It was supposed to be Lewis’ take on The Beatles film A Hard Day’s Night. Now, granted he didn’t have the ability to work with a group of geniuses like The Beatles, so I’m not expecting the music to be as great as A Hard Day’s Night. However, I’m hoping Lewis’ taste in music for this film will be much better than the last film. I do know one more thing about it and that’s the fact that there’s supposed to be an AMAZING cameo in this film, but I’ll save it for when this guy appears on screen. Anyway, on with the second half of the drive-in!

Random Thoughts While Watching the Film:
Here’s some more drive-in stuff. And it’s talking about seeing birth. It’s an educational thing and this guy is really lecturing. Guy blames all women for sexual delinquency and makes sure to call little babies bastards. He’s also “sorry to say” most marriages don’t work out because of the man. Seriously, I’m feeling a lot of judgement, guy.

Actual quote from preachy dude: “It’s already been proven that 83% dread the sexual act because of the way their husbands go about it… There’s no such thing as a frigid wife, just clumsy men.” Ouch.

You know, as he goes on I gotta say at least he believes in the female orgasm.

Except now he talks about curing masturbation. Boo!

Actual quote: “They live longer, happier lives, then they outlive the women… the way it was meant to be.” WTF?!?

After all this, I just gotta wonder who would go to the drive-in to see a lecture on sex, followed by footage of a live birth.

There’s a commercial for an anti-mosquito device called Pic, which you can buy at the drive-in.

Here’s a concession stand ad that looks like it’s straight out of Yellow Submarine. It’s pretty cool.

Holy crap, it’s an animated commercial for Smithfield BBQ, but it’s sung by folksinger Jo Mapes! Now I want to get that BBQ.

Oh, good a Chico Marx sounding Italian “cook” selling pizza. The pizza looks like ass.
Here’s a short by Lewis called Hot Night at the Go-Go Lounge. There’s really nothing to comment on here. It’s literally just 10 minutes of people dancing in various states of dress. No comment.

A trailer for Blast-Off Girls. It promises that “no one will fall asleep during this one!” After that last film, I can’t be sure that’s true.

A trailer for the Lewis film This Stuff’ll Kill Ya. It’s about celebrating Jesus through booze. I will say, it does have 2000 Maniacs!’s Talkius Blanc in it. That’s cool, he’s fun. Also, this is a sexploitation.

A trailer for The Year of the Yahoo, a film about a country singer (played by Claude King!), who is chosen to run for Senate. In this climate of joke candidates we have today, this movie fits right in. Looks fun.

Here’s one for The Alley Tramp. Wow, that actress is bad. She also has surprisingly small breasts for a sexploitation flick.

Here’s another trailer for Suburban Roulette. This one has the theme song for the movie and you know what? It’s not terrible. It’s not great either, but I’m keeping it in perspective.
And finally, here’s Blast-Off Girls. Listening to the theme song, I’ll say, while it’s not a bad song instrumentally, these guys don’t sing really well. Hopefully they get better, as I’ve gotta watch this for another hour and twenty minutes.

They’re doing a rock and roll version of Goodnight, Ladies. I get these guys want to be the Beatles (down the the Paul McCartney bass appearing again), but just because the Beatles made a rock song out My Bonnie, doesn’t mean you can.

The lead character is named Boojie Baker. That’s a cool name for a 60s sleazeball, which is what he is.

So, this isn’t the band we’ll be following throughout the story apparently. This is a band named Charlie! and we’ll be hearing a band named Big Blast.

So, the movie is about Boojie hiring Big Blast to take on his former band Charlie!

Unfortunately, Boojie also seems to be something of a scoundrel and is likely only in it to steal their money.

Boojie is an interesting character thus far. The actor playing him is one of the few decent actors in a HG Lewis movie. He’s got a cane that he’s making good use of with his hands. Interesting prop.

I will say, while I wouldn’t pay money to see the Big Blast in concert, they at least sound better than Charlie. The instrumentals are better put together and they can sorta, kinda sing-ish. The Paul McCartney bass is back. Leave it to Lewis to reuse props.

I’ll tell you, this isn’t much of a story, but at least there is a story going on here.

The Blast-Off Girls made their first appearance, tearing the clothes off the Big Blast.

The only one of the Big Blast with any personality is Chris. Again, it’s not much, but there you go.

And here he is, the big celebrity cameo I promised… Col. Sanders! He doesn’t really do much. A couple lines, he winks, and he dances a little. But hey, it’s The Colonel! Now I’m hungry for some KFC Snackers.

I will say, The Big Blast seems to lose what literal talent that they had when exposed to fried chicken.

So, Boojie just blackmailed a record exec into giving them a deal. He took it well enough.

So now, the Big Blast is in the studio. Once again, the music isn’t terrible (though it’s not very good either), but the vocals still suck.

Wait, Herschell Gordon Lewis knows how to structure a montage? I mean, not well, but that is a montage. That’s news to me.

The music is getting a little better as the movie progresses. Like I said, I wouldn’t call it wonderful, but it’s okay.

Hey, Boojie is lighting a cigar with a one dollar bill. Classic.

That is the smallest joint I’ve ever seen. I’m about 99% certain it’s just a rolled up piece of paper with nothing in it.

Boojie just blackmailed the group into signing a 3 year contract under his services. Seems to me, if he had treated them less conspicuously, he could have just treated them nicer.

Oh, this is great. A cop just rubbed is tie and it’s obvious from the sound he rubbed the microphone he was wearing against his clothes!

Boojie is a solid villain, but suffers from the movie being bad, with boring dialogue and so great cinematography. Seriously, the cinematography is a lot of long, static shots.

They’re giving out promotional photos of the band. If you look closely, you’ll notice it says their band name is Faded Blue and they’ll soon be appearing in the film Blast-Off Girls. Movie error!

Oh, hey another pointless montage!

A quick shot of Pascal’s Sausage Pizza. How much do you think that endorsement cost them?

The bass player has a bottle hanging from the end of his instrument so he can drink between takes. Clever.

Actual quote: “You’re painted up like Sadie Thompson!” Woman slaps Boojie in the face. Who the hell is Sadie Thompson and why is it such an insult?

The Big Blast showed up to a TV concert screwed up on something. It’s implied they’re on pot, but they’re acting like they’re drunk. I don’t think they know how drugs work. Also, I just noticed, the keyboard player is really just playing the key end of an accordion. I don’t know if that’s a thing or if there’s some keyed instrument I don’t know about,

The final song they’re singing is called “Go _ Yourself, My Friend.” They pause in the blank spot, but it’s obvious what they’re singing. You know, it’s actually a decent song. Especially that lead guitar.

The Big Blast steal their contract back from Boojie and rip it up. I guess he only had one copy for some stupid reason. Also, tearing up a contract does not make it null and void. Contracts don’t work like that.

They end the movie with a sequence seemingly pulled from the end of Hard Day’s Night and an okay song. Also, Col. Sanders is credited with his logo rather than his name.

You know, here’s the thing. Is this a good movie? No. God, no. It’s really crumby. But it does have a few things going for it. The guy who plays Boojie is a decent actor. The Faded Blue, a.k.a. The Big Blast, provided some okay music. Nothing too special, but it’s fine. While the story is boring, at least there’s a story. And not every moment is boring, it just gets dull in more places than it should. If you wanna check out a watchable A Hard Day’s Night rip-off with some decent instrumentals… eh, I still can’t recommend it, but this is fine. Just fine. Still better than Just For the Hell of It. Anyway, tomorrow I’m going to the King of Schlock, Ed Wood, and I’ll be watching his film Bride of the Monster. See you then!

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