“If I must just choose the method of my demise, I choose…
Death By Cinema!” -Britt Rhuart
Day 8 – Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks
I like the Frankenstein story. Really, I do. It was one of the first stories I can remember being interested in or loving and one of the first characters in the Monster that I followed. Now, I’ve heard nothing but bad things about this film for years, but I’m hoping it’ll at least be fun. It’s got a little person as the Igor character in it at least. Plus, not one, but TWO cavemen. That’s the other thing I’ll mention, from what I gather, the monster is really just a reanimated caveman which, if true, is a sad disappointment. Anyway, on with the review!
Random Thoughts While Watching the Film:
The comments may be light today, I’m still getting over food poisoning and am tired.
Oh, the Boxoffice International logo… You know whenever you see that you’re in for world of crap, sex, and crap sex.
Wow, that was an abrupt start. Seriously, we begin literally right as one caveman is throwing rocks at villagers. It’s jarring. I will say he gets some good hang time with some of those rocks.
BTW, that villager is clearly wearing blue jeans.
And just as abruptly as it starts, it ends. Who’s editing this crap?
Rossano Brazzi’s in this?!? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, there some dude named Boris Lugosi in this film. Nice fake name, guy.
And here’s both the little person and Brazzi (a.k.a. Dr. Frankenstein) digging up a body. And the little person is feeling up the corpse… ewwwwwwww…
I’ll say this much for the film thus far, the lab set is cool, though we only get to see it from one high angle.
Rossano Brazzi’s strong Italian accent is a little weird, considering he’s supposed to be Austrian.
Huh, apparently there is a character named Igor in this film and the little assistant is Genz. Just so it’s clear.
Actual dialogue: “I hoped you had forgiven me I wasn’t born a boy.” Frankenstein laughs for an uncomfortably long time. “No, no, darling.”
We get the old, haunted house has a painting where the eyes are removed, so someone looks through them trope. Tried and true.
And there’s the gratuitous sex! And of course Genz is watching. He’s a fun little perv.
There’s a second caveman prowling about. Hell of a coincidence.
While I wouldn’t call the cinematography in this film wonderful, it’s not bad most of the time, especially for an exploitation film. I like the high angles.
That is the weirdest make out scene. A hunchback and a serving wench fight, he slaps her a few times while she moans erotically, then they begin to neck. Just awkward as hell.
Genz runs into the other caveman and he sees to be very friendly. At least to Genz, something tells me Genz will use this caveman for his own perverted and dangerous purposes.
Actual line: Genz: “I don’t know your name, so I guess I’ll just call you Ook.” Yup, the caveman’s name is Ook.
Damn, Frankenstein kisses like he’s in fourth grade and thinks a simple kiss on the lips is going all the way.
And there’s Genz spying on Frankenstein’s daughter and main squeeze. What a goddamn weasel.
The first caveman, Goliath, has Larry Fine hair.
The guy who’s dubbing the voice of the villager Hansen sounds like a monotone Orson Wells. It would by cool, but Hansen looks like an old Italian, so the voice doesn’t match at all.
You know, I just realized, the villagers keep showing up to the police station demanding Frankenstein’s capture for his crimes, but there is never any evidence that he committed them, nor is any reason ever given why the villagers suspect him.
Well, Genz is raping a woman. What more can I expect from Harry Novak, producer of the film The Sinful Dwarf?
Oh, Jesus, later the Inspector finds the body of the woman Genz and Ook kidnapped and raped. They did a number on her. Broke bother her legs and there is WAY too much bruising and bite marks on her body. That is disturbing as hell.
Wait, they literally just showed the intro scene over again, with Frankenstein explaining what happened and… now they’re showing them wheeling the caveman’s body into the lab again? Why? We’ve already seen all of this. We know this. We don’t need to see this.
Hans looks like a less-talented, Italian version of Peter Lorre. That is all.
Ook has some weird ass feet.
Goliath has been let loose by Genz, but also doesn’t seem to want to do him harm. It’s weird, the cavemen in this film seem to want to hurt and kill everyone except Genz. I wonder what it is about him.
Actual quote: “Here’s his medical Journal. He’s recorded everything day by day. Oh my god he’s been experimenting. Experimenting on a caveman!” No shit. Also, Frankenstein has the handwriting of a mentally disabled 3 year old with a deformed hand.
Man, Goliath is just killing all the characters, including Frankenstein. There won’t be anyone left for the finale if this goes on.
And here’s the fight we’ve been waiting for, Goliath vs. Ook! Too bad they fight like they’re a couple of kids in the high school cafeteria. And just like that, Ook is dead.
And the villagers set Goliath of fire, ending the monster. And Genz ends the movie alive and hugging Frankenstein’s daughter? He gets no comeuppance? That’s kinda stupid.
Also, some guy named Mike Monty got credited twice for the same role in the closing credits.
Ok, so this movie was bad, but that’s not to say it wasn’t so bad it’s unwatchable. This is a fairly watchable bad movie. Certain scenes with the cinematography are well done, the production design was decent, and the actor portraying Genz (Michael Dunn) was actually very fun to watch. That being said, the film is also a hot mess. Rossano Brazzi is forgettable, except for his accent and lack of ability to kiss properly. It has very little continuity, especially with the real Frankenstein story. There are so many subplots to the film, many of which are left unresolved. The idea of having not one, but two cavemen is absurdly stupid. The fact that they don’t have really any of the tropes of a regular Frankenstein’s monster creation story is very lame. That being said, if you want to see a watchable exploitation movie with little to no thought, there are certainly worse choices than this.
In the next twelve hours or so, I’ll try to post a review of Dracula, the Dirty Old Man. See you then!