PROFESSOR BRAINERD’S CHRISTMAS VACATION QUIZ

It’s past midnight where I am so (EDIT: it was when I was first entering the answers here but I fell asleep with three non-consecutive questions left), let’s just get right to the thick of it. Another Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule Quiz in my journey to have them all done, even despite it being from 2006 and it not being Christmas yet. I just wanna dive right in, baby.

1) Describe the moment when you knew you loved the movies.

Watching the “Earth Angel” sequence in Back to the Future as a kid and feeling the same sort of lift in my soul as Marty when he stands up because his parents kiss right in the nick of time.

2) What prop or costume from a film do you most covet? *

Prop: The Beast from Mandy (although a less contemporary pick is the needle book from Re-Animator)

Costume: either Alain Delon’s suit from Le Samourai or Willem Dafoe’s kimono from To Live and Die in LA.

3) Take a famous role and recast it (for example, Audrey Hepburn instead of Andie McDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral)

I have an answer that would get me run out of town if this ever got out, but I stand by it anyway: replace Marlon Brando in The Godfather with Burt Lancaster.

4) Charlton Heston or George Kennedy?

Charlton Heston. My affinity for his misanthropy in Planet of the Apes outweighs my hate for the NRA.

5) Best performance in an otherwise terrible movie

Raul Julia in Street Fighter, a performance I was just waxing rhapsodic with a few friends (shout out L-C-, F-G-, and A-Y-) as I tried to recommend it amongst our future watch nights.

6) Worst performance in a famously revered or otherwise great movie

I just sniped for Brando in The Godfather so let me go for another answer… Robert Armstrong in King Kong, way too slow talking for the sort of role that is.

7) Christopher Lee or Peter Cushing?

Peter Cushing, a hard choice between two of my favorite actors. Better in Star Wars though and better in Hammer movies even.

8) Favorite Walter Hill movie.

I have only seen two Walter Hill movies so far and The Warriors was the one that was not bad.

9) Favorite musical score from a movie.

Michel Legrand’s for The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.

10) Describe the most scared you’ve ever been in a theater, or the scariest moment you recall seeing in a movie.

Scariest moment for me is probably the hallway turn to seeing the twin girls in The Shining.

Meanwhile the most scared I’ve been in a theater has probably been one of the times I’ve been using a certain college theater all alone that I should not be using and thinking about the likelihood of locking myself in the theater all night if I didn’t leave in time (J-B- would know what I’m talking about).

Or the time when I saw Show Dogs with only one other person in the theater and she was laughing at everything and then trying to explain every joke to me like I fucking knew her.

11) Ingrid Pitt or Barbara Steele?

Feel like this is an question that was already asked and answered in a future quiz. My answer is still Barbara Steele.

12) Favorite Holiday Movie (doesn’t have to be Christmas oriented).

A Charlie Brown Christmas. Really warms me up every time I watch it.

13) Worst Holiday movie (doesn’t have to be Christmas oriented).

Ron Howard’s version of Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Nightmare fuel.

14) Your all-time favorite hammy actor.

Maybe it’s because I just rewatched The Rock but Nic Cage is the first answer I have in my head so I’ll go with that.

15) Favorite Federico Fellini movie.

8 1/2, one of my top ten favorite movies.

16) Your favorite film critic.

Andrew Sarris.

17) Jason Lee or Jason Mewes?

Jason Mewes is probably the less impressive actor, but I find Jay a really charming presence in his puerileness (certainly enough to make me love Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) and from what I hear Mewes is also a cool dude while Lee is an asshole. So Mewes.

(I actually encountered Mewes for 3 seconds in the middle of the night about 6-8 years ago. Which was probably the worst time to have someone cross the street to you asking “Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes?”, to which Mewes immediately responded “Yes, m’am” and the two of them disappeared behind a doorway.)

18) Best use of a natural location setting in a movie.

Badlands probably. It’s at least a Terrence Malick movie for certain.

19) Worst squandering of a natural location setting in a movie.

I honestly can’t think of any instance of natural landscape location shooting where I didn’t at least like the landscapes a tiny bit enough to be a plus. Even in movies I don’t like which keeps me from claiming The Rider or The Mountains Between Us as my answers since those garbage movies are still gorgeous. Maybe I’d go with the horrible fucking cinematography at the end of Star Wars: The Force Awakens at Skelling Michael with the single ugliest shot in all 11 live-action theatrical Star Wars movies.

20) Favorite song from a movie.

“Over the Rainbow” from The Wizard of Oz.

21) Madeline Kahn or Teri Garr?

Madeline Kahn, by far. And Teri Garr is no slouch.

22) Favorite Roger Corman Movie.

The definite answer at this point is The Haunted Palace, but I used that before for an answer before in regards to “Second Favorite Roger Corman Movie” because my top two used to keep switching. I will give this shout out to The Little Shop of Horrors instead.

23) Your biggest movie-star crush.

Old-school: Diana Rigg. New-school: Lea Seydoux.

24) Director you’ve always felt deserved more attention than he/she ever got or has gotten up to this point, and a highlight for you from his/her career.

Rob Zombie and my highlight for him is The Lords of Salem.

25) Michelle Yeoh or Ziyi Zhang?

Michelle Yeoh easily. Both are awesome in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, though.

26) If the movies’ were to give you a Christmas gift, or a gift for 2006, what would it be? (I mean “the movies” in the most general sense—the film industry, the actors, a director making a certain film, whatever)

Putting myself in the mindset of 2006, probably a continuation of Serenity that isn’t those Dark Horse comics and more Aardman features and for the sequel to Batman Begins to be fucking dope.

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